your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
