Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
