you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
