Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
