I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
