Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
