i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The ass gains better be worth it
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