"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
