You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
