Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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