Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
