i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
