Sry I called you an 8
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
