I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
