I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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