didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
