just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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