wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
