Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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