Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
