whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
