So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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