We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
