do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
