we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
