i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We don't watch enough power rangers
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
