the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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