im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
