I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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