ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think your dad took our porno
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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