dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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