After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
