If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
