as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
