i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
