when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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