evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
