I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
