The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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