He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
