never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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