She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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