I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
