careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
