Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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