you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
