people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The air was thick with penises
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
