he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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