im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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