did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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