Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Quick, to the slutcave!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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