dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My pussy is not your playground.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
