Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
